


Red Meat

by amorluzymelodia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Language, Overdose, suicide (kind of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 12:45:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8668153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amorluzymelodia/pseuds/amorluzymelodia
Summary: Request: Hi, may I request an oneshot where the reader is the sister of Sam and Dean and in 11.17 the one to try to summon Billie to bring Sam back? Please
A/N: this ended up being A LOT longer than I’d anticipated so sorry in advance…. I tried to keep it as close to canon as possible but I changed the actual scene with Billie a bit because I wanted it to be more of the reader speaking to her and not Dean’s words from the actual episode. Let me know what you think! And as always I love requests so please, please send them in!





	1. Chapter 1

You were a big sister, and watching out for you brothers was almost second nature by now. Even though Dean was only two years younger than you—and at least a foot taller—he’d always be your little brother, and you protected him and Sam with the same vigor and determination that you hunted with. This hunt was proving to be more difficult than you’d anticipated, with Sam getting shot and the couple you’d rescued was in worse shape than you’d thought.

            Somehow you’d managed to find another cabin, a little ways away from the cabin where Michelle and Corbin had been held. You felt for them, they’d been through so much, and sometimes you forgot how overwhelming it was to be thrown into the supernatural world since you’d been in it since you were six. You helped Sam into the cabin and started lighting lanterns with Dean. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Corbin leave Michelle and walk over to you and Dean.

Corbin spoke quietly but hurriedly to you and Dean. “Hey. Hey, we got to keep moving.” He shot a glance at Sam. “Those of us who... who can.”

Dean stood up. “What did you say?” he demanded, angrily.

“Dean…” you warned him but he held up his hand to silence you.

Corbin looked hurriedly between you and Dean and then back at Michelle. “I... look. Hey, Michelle's real sick, but she's got a chance. Him... he's slowing us down. And if they find us...”

You cut him off. “We saved you, okay? We saved both of you.” You tried not to get too angry, but it was difficult when he was talking about your little brother.

“It's four lives versus one.” Corbin said and Dean shoved him, pointing a finger at him menacingly.

“Whoa... hey!” Corbin put his hands up in defense.

“Dean, stop!” you cried.

“Dean... he's right.” Sam spoke up from across the room, sounding weak. “You guys need to... to go. Move. Go find help, come back for me.”

            “No, Sam!” You shouted. “This isn’t the time for your self-sacrificing bullshit!”

“No!” Dean yelled. “I'm gonna go outside, I'm gonna find some wood, gonna build you a litter, and,” he turned to Corbin “ _we_ are going to carry him the rest of the way. It’s only a couple of miles.”

You checked on Michelle, who was whimpering in her sleep softly and with a hard glance at Corbin you followed Dean outside to help him make Sam a litter. You saw Dean’s coat get caught on a branch and he angrily swats at it with another branch.

“Get off me!” he cried and you frowned.

“Dean!” you called after him and he turned around, and you saw the barely controlled rage and fear in his face. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Dean huffed a sigh and nodded shakily. “Okay. Okay, okay.” He paused and took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a long moment before opening them again. “Help me with this.” He said and handed you a few branches.

At the sound of a car pulling up and the flash of headlights through the trees you and Dean stopped working and hurried back towards the cabin.

Dean threw open the door. “We got to go.” His eyes found Sam lying motionless on the floor the same time yours did and you stopped dead in your tracks. “Sam?” he said at the same time you said, “Sammy?”

Dean rushed to Sam’s side and placed his fingers on his neck, checking for a pulse.

You turned to Corbin and Michelle, your heart going a million miles an hour. “What happened?” you were afraid to ask.

Corbin shook his head. “I... I... I don't know. He just went.”

Dean was still kneeling next to Sam. “No. Sammy?” he called again, shaking Sam’s shoulders gently. You saw tears well in his eyes and blinked back your own.

“Sammy…” Dean’s soft voice broke your heart. You wanted to go to him, to kneel next to your brothers and help…but you couldn’t make your feet move, your body felt like it was made of lead and your head was spinning.

            Michelle and Corbin’s heads turned at the sound of a vehicle approaching but you and Dean couldn’t take your eyes off of your brother.

Faintly, you heard Michelle’s voice. “No, no, no.”

Corbin hugged her to his side. “It's them.”

Dean out his silver knife out of it’s sheath. “Let 'em come.” He growled and you heard the desperation and rage in his tone and you knew that you two were thinking the exact same thing. You weren’t leaving Sam.

“No. What?” Michelle cried.

Corbin seemed to catch on quickly. “He wants to stay.”

“No, you can't!” Michelle turned to you. “Y/N talk to him!”

You shook your head and pulled out your gun, checking to make sure you had silver bullets in it and looked to Dean, nodding slightly in understanding.

“I’m not leaving.” You said strongly and Corbin turned to you.

“Hey, hey, you stay, you fight, you die. And so do we. Look...he's gone. I'm sorry, but he's gone. Help us. Please.”

Dean looked at you, both of your eyes full of tears. The two of you shared a meaningful look and then you looked at Michelle and Corbin. They were afraid and desperate, and you knew that they weren’t going to make it on their own, they needed to be saved. You two needed to save them.

Dean leaned down close to Sam and whispered in his ear, but you heard him. “I’m gonna come back for you, okay? I promise.” He smiled sadly and stood up. “Okay. Okay. Let's go.”

Dean opens the door and Corbin and Michelle go outside. He turned to you and noticed you hadn’t moved, and were still staring at Sam’s lifeless body. Dean took a hesitant step towards you.

“Y/N…” he called softly and you looked at him through your tears. “Y/N we gotta go.”

“I can’t leave him.” Your voice broke and tears were flowing freely now. “I’m staying. I’ll fight them off, you go get help.”

Dean hurried over to you and gripped your shoulders tightly. “Y/N we need to go. If you stay here they’ll get you and I…I can’t…”he choked and looked down, gripping your shoulders tighter. “I can’t lose you too.” He spoke forcefully and for a moment you felt like you were the little sibling, that he was the one taking care of you.

You put a hand on his cheek and wiped away a single tear. “We will come back.” You promised him and he nodded. With one last look at Sam you nodded and let Dean take your hand and pull you of of the cabin.

            After a few grueling miles of walking you managed to make it to the parking lot and flag down the sheriff. When Dean punched the officer and tasered you nearly jumped on the officer, but that would’ve resulted in you being unconscious too so you balled your hands into fists and bit your tongue. When you arrived at the hospital you stayed by Dean’s side, barely speaking when the doctors and nurse’s asked you what had happened. The doctor examined you and informed you that you had a sprained wrist, severely bruised ribs and a few cuts that luckily didn’t need stitches. When Dean came to he groaned and his eyes darted around the room. In an effort to calm him, you put a hand on his hair lightly and Dr. Kessler spoke.

“Don't try to move if you can help it.” She said. “You got a couple broken ribs I haven't tended to yet. That... and what is probably...” she flashed a light in his eyes. “a nasty concussion.”

Dean tried to sit up, groaning again and you pushed lightly on his shoulder.

“Dean, calm down.” You scolded softly.

“Sam—“ Dean started but the doctor cut him off.

“Hey, do us both a favor. Get some rest.” She told him.

“Mm.” Dean groaned again and the doctor left the room. He looked to you sadly, breathing heavily and you were trying to keep the tears at bay, but weren’t doing a very good job of it. “Go—go check on Michelle.” You knew he wanted time alone, time to let his emotions free without anyone in the room to witness it. That was Dean; always so strong. So you nodded and left the room, following the Doctor down the hall to Michelle and Corbin’s room, allowing Dean his time.

When you entered the room Corbin was explaining what had happened to the sheriff. “Then his brother... his brother just died.” Michelle shot him a sad glance. “And we ran. The bad guys, they're still out there.” He said.

“Monsters. Werewolves.” Michelle said angrily and you saw the Sheriff stop writing and looked up, confused.

Corbin hurried to cover his tracks. “We don't know what their deal was. Only what that guy told us.”

“ _That guy_ saved you.” You interjected from the doorway, glaring at Corbin, who shrunk underneath your gaze. “And so did I.”

“And so did their brother.” Michelle added quietly and you met her gaze with empathy.

The sheriff smiled at Michelle condescendingly and indicated that he wanted to speak to Corbin alone. Corbin followed him a few feet away and they had a quiet conversation. Michelle met your gaze and you stepped into the room, standing next to her bed and taking her hand lightly.

“Y/N…I—“ she started but Corbin came back over and took her hand out of yours.

“Michelle...we made it.” He said but Michelle’s eyes filled with tears and she turned to you again.

“Y/N, I’d like to speak with Dean.” She said quietly and you nodded, helping her out of bed while Dr. Kessler examined Corbin.

When you got back to Dean’s room you hurried to his side and held his hand. Michelle smiled at Dean.

“Hi.” She said.

“Hey,” Dean echoed.

Michelle seemed unsure if she should enter or not. “Can…can I…”

Dean nodded. “Sure.”

Michelle stood next to the bed. “I... I just wanted to see how you were doing. And to tell you th...” she paused, collecting herself. “I'm sorry. You saved our lives and...” she paused again. “well, my mom used to say, um...I didn't believe her then, but I...I think I do now. She used to say... death...it's not the end.”

Dean looked at Michelle and nodded, then his eyes widened and his gaze snapped to you.

“Billie.” You said at the same time and Dean jumped out of bed, as you were rushing out of the room. When you reached the hospital dispensary you pushed open the door and began rooting through bottles.

“Dean? Y/N?” Michelle asked worriedly. “What are you doing?”

You and Dean were still looking at the labels on pill bottles.

Dean spoke quickly. “We need to...I need to talk to a...well, I wouldn't call it a friend, more like a...”

“Scary, crazy death machine.” You finished for him and Dean nodded. “Werewolves aren’t the only monsters out there.” You told her and she nodded shakily.   

You used an oxygen cylinder to break open a lock on one of the cabinets. While Michelle stood awkwardly in the background.

“How exactly do you talk to an evil, scary death machine?” she asked.

“Easy. I die.” Dean answered simply.

“What?” Michelle demanded and you stopped looking to reassure her.

“Look, if you don't...” you paused. “If you want to leave, I get it. But if you want to help us…we’re looking for pretty much anything with ‘barbital’ in the name.”

To her credit, Michelle just nodded. “Yeah. This will work?”

Dean hurried over to the two of you, “It has to.”

Dean poured two different types of pills onto the table and made to shovel some into his hand but you caught his wrist.

“Dean.” Your voice was hard. “Don’t.”

Dean’s eyes widened in shock. “Y/N we need to talk to Billie and this is the only way to do it!”

“Let me.” Your voice was small and weak but you didn’t care. “I’m your big sister, it’s my job to protect you. Besides…” you smiled a small smile. “She’ll listen to me, I am the most charming Winchester.”

Dean laughed, but it was short and forced. “Well that isn’t true.”

Your smile was small and sad but you needed him to understand. “Dean, I need to do this. I—I need to make this right.”

After a long moment of deliberation, Dean nodded and pulled you into a tight hug, kissing your temple and wiping the tears from your cheeks. You swept a decent amount of pills into your hand and Michelle handed you a glass of water.

You took a deep breath. “Okay. After I do this, go get the doc and tell her to, um...Tell her to bring me back, if she can. If not...no hard feelings, okay?” you met Dean’s gaze seriously. “Dean, no deals okay? Promise me.”

Dean shook his head. “I love you.” Dean said and you echoed the sentiment.

Just as you were about to take the pills Michelle grabbed your hand. “You don't have to do this.” She said and you smiled sadly at her.

“Yeah, I do.” And with that you threw back the pills and swallowed them in one gulp.

The scene around you froze and you turned to see Billie standing next to you.

“Took you long enough,” you said and she scoffed.

“Y/N Winchester.”

“What’s with the freeze-frame?” you asked and she smiled slightly.

“Just savoring this. Though I have to say of all the ways I thought you'd go...never took you for the suicide type. Doesn't fit you and your bro’s whole martyr thing. So...'sup?

You took a deep breath. “Sam.” Was all you said.

Billie looked confused. “What about Sam?”

“We need him back.” You said, your voice already on the verge of begging.

“Back?” Billie asked, her eyebrows creasing.

“Yes, back. I don’t care what you want, I’ll give it to you. Whatever you want, in return for Sam.”

Billie turned to leave. “Pass.”

Anger flooded your system, with a hint of fear and sadness and you called after her. “Really? Just like that?

“Just like that.”

“You reapers, always so smug.” You hissed. “You think you’re the top tier because you ferry souls? Big fucking whoop. You’re a glorified uber driver for the afterlife! And you have the audacity to stand here and deny me a chance to get my little brother back?”

Billie turned towards you slowly, anger in her eyes and if you weren’t so burnt out and hurting you would be scared of the look she was shooting you.

“You really wanna talk to me like that, kid?” she growled. “Not the best approach to piss off the person you’re asking a favor of.”

“Look, I don’t care what you want, or how big your ego is. Sam doesn’t deserve to be dead, not like this. Especially not when he’s the only one who can stop the Darkness. The only one who can stop the entire universe from ending. Even you have to care about that.”

Billie folded her arms over her chest. “Sam’s gonna stop the Darkness? How’s that?”

The words caught in your throat. You didn’t have an answer for that and she knew it.

Billie smiled. “That's what I thought. It's cute, though. You pretending you're trying to save Sam for the greater good, when we both know you're doing it for you. You can't lose him. You don’t want to feel like the failure that let her little brother die, when she could’ve saved him.”

That hurt, but you didn’t care. Tears filled your eyes and your voice broke. “I'm asking you...I'm _begging_ you, _please_. Bring him back. Bring him back and take me instead.”

For a moment you thought you saw pity in Billie’s eyes but you were sure you’d imagined it. “I'm not here to bargain with you, kid. I'm here to reap you. And the kicker is...Sam's not dead.” You snapped your head up, eyes wide. “But you are. Or will be, soon enough.”

Billie snapped her fingers, unfreezing the moment. You turned back to watch Dr. Kessler try to save you, Michelle and Dean in the corner looking panicked as your pulse faded.

You turned back to Billie. “What the hell do you mean, Sam’s not dead?” you demanded.

“Trust me. If the big “W” bit it, I'd get a call.” Billie said and stretched her hand towards you.

In the moments that you watched the doctor try to save you, you saw Dean off in the corner, his eyes panicked and worried, you realized Billie was telling the truth. Sam was alive. Sam wasn’t dead. _Sam wasn’t dead!_

“Come along now, Y/N. It's time. The empty...it's waiting.” Billie said but you took a step back.

“No.” you said strongly just as Dr. Kessler stabbed your body in the chest with a syringe and you snapped back into your body, coughing and sputtering as you regained consciousness. The doctor turned you on your side as you coughed and as the blood rushed back to your system you almost passed out again, but you vomited as Billie disappeared.

As you came to Dean rushed to you and helped you to your feet.

“He's alive.” Were the first words out of your mouth and Dean and Michelle’s eyes got wide.

“He? Sam? Oh, thank God.”

Dean laughed slightly at the mention of God. “Yeah, not so much.” He said as you tried to push them off of you. “Y/N are you sure?”

“Billie told me herself.” You said. “I need a... I need a car.” You said but the Sheriff stepped in front of you.

“No. No, not a chance.” He said and you refrained from rolling your eyes.

“Look, buddy, I'm not asking.” You said and the sheriff’s response was to grab your wrists and handcuff them behind your back.

“Hey, look, psycho, I got you for stealing and consuming a felony's worth of Schedule IV drugs, not to mention your crazy friend here assaulting a police officer. You ain't going nowhere.” He turned to the doctor. “Sedate her.”

Dr. Kessler raised her eyebrows in shock. “No.” she said simply and the sheriff asked to speak to her in the hall.

“We need to go, now.” You said and Dean nodded, looking to Michelle.

“Michelle you need to stay here, we’ve gotta go get Sam.” Dean said and Michelle nodded.

“Good luck.” She said kindly and you nodded, Dean wrapping his arm around your waist and helping you out to the parking lot. When you got down the stairs Dean’s phone rang and when he saw Sam’s name on the caller ID he put it on speaker.

“Sammy?”

“Dean, yeah.” at the sound of Sam’s voice on the other end your knees almost gave out and Dean raised his head to the sky, the relief palpable between you. He said your names a few times and then asked if Corbin was with you. Then when the call dropped you cursed and raced inside at the sound of screams. When you got in the hospital you saw Corbin, now a full werewolf, cornering Michelle in the hallway. Dean tackled him and you yelled at Michelle to run, who ran to you and you slipped your arm around her waist, ready to run her to safety. You were ready to jump in and help Dean when the sound of a gun firing rang out and none other than Sam Winchester was standing at the end of the hall, looking like shit but standing tall nonetheless.

“Took you long enough.” Dean grunted and you smiled.

“Sam!” you cried and rushed to him, wrapping an arm around him and helping him sink to the ground. You could feel the warm blood on his clothes and his breathing was heavy and strained. With the help of Dean and Michelle you managed to get him to the doctor.

Sam was admitted and taken care of by the doctor, who was very appreciative of the fact that you all took down a werewolf in her hospital. She explained that when Corbin had choked him Sam’s heartbeat had gone down to mostly nothing, due to the fact that his body was in shock. After a day or so Sam was allowed out of the hospital and the three of you were making your way back to the impala.

“So, that's it, huh? Two quarts O-neg, and you're good to go.” Dean said as you helped Sam down the stairs.

Sam sighed as he stepped down the stairs. “How is she? Ooh.” He asked about Michelle.

Dean looked back at Michelle. “She's strong. She'll be all right.”

“Those stitches gonna hold?” you asked hesitantly, not liking the way Sam was still holding his side.

Sam smiled at your mothering. “Oh, yeah...uh, professional grade. Couple days of antibiotics and some bed rest, and I'm, uh, back to normal.”

The three of you piled into the impala.

Sam turned to you and Dean. “Hey, so, what did you do? When you thought I was dead? What did you do?”

You and Dean shared a hesitant, meaningful look and came to an instant understanding; Sam didn’t need to know. That was something that didn’t need to be shared, at least not now. The three of you had been through enough, you didn’t need to add your attempted suicide to the deal.

“Thought about redecorating your room,” Dean answered and Sam chuckled. “You know, putting in a Jacuzzi, a nice disco ball... eally class up the joint.”

Sam shook his head. “Right, seriously.”

“What, I, uh...” Dean’s words trailed off and you jumped in.

“We knew you weren't dead.” You said simply and Dean nodded.

Sam didn’t look like he believed you. “Right,” he said, letting it go.

Dean smiled at you two and you huddled into Sam’s side, careful of his stitches and he wrapped his arm around you, kissing your forehead.

“We knew.” You said quietly and Dean started the Impala and the three of you drove of.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got a few requests for a second chapter where Sam learns what really happened at the hospital. So here ya go!
> 
> Y/N/N: your nick name

Your head had been killing you since you left the hospital, alternating between spinning and pounding and it was making you nauseous. Or perhaps you were just nauseous because your body was angry at you for ingesting a lethal amount of prescription drugs, which was more than possible. Dr. Kessler had warned you of the side effects from your overdose and it had taken a lot of convincing to get to her to let you leave. She had wanted you on a seventy-two hour forced hold and you were sure she’d wanted that hold extended when you’d started talking about werewolves and reapers and the like. However, Dean was as charming as ever, and you’d managed to convince her that you weren’t suicidal, just really needed to talk to a reaper named Billie to get your dead-not-dead little brother back. So she’d made Dean promise to watch you carefully, which he agreed to and she’d sent you on your way.

Truthfully you’d hoped that would be the end of it. That your little stint with death would be between you and Dean and Sam wouldn’t ever need to know the extent to which you went to get him back. He would just be pissed and feel guilty and you needed him to rest, though Dean was constantly down your throat that you needed rest too.

It was about a twelve-hour drive back to the bunker so Dean decided to stop at the local gas station to pick up snacks and refuel before you started. You told Sam to stay put in the backseat and you’d get him whatever he wanted.

“Y/N you’ve gotta stop mothering me!” he said but you just shook your head. “Honestly I’m _fine_.”

 “I know, now stay.” You said forcefully and he just laughed and leaned back in his seat.

 You opened the door to the impala and stood up, perhaps a bit too fast because the next thing you knew you were on the ground and Sam was kneeling next to you, calling your name. The world was spinning, and without warning you pushed Sam out of the way and vomited on the concrete.

  “Dean!” Sam called and Dean rushed out of the gas station.

 “What happened?” Dean demanded as Sam helped you sit up, rubbing your back soothingly.

“I’m—I’m fine.” You assured them, meeting Dean’s eyes meaningfully. “Must’ve just gotten carsick or something.”

Sam’s eyebrows creased and he shot Dean a look. “Since when do you get carsick?”

Dean covered for you quickly. “Since forever, Sammy where’ve you been?” he laughed awkwardly and helped you stand up, wiping your mouth on a napkin from the car that Sam handed you.

“Look guys I’m fine, really.” You said quickly. “Just need some fresh air and I’ll be ready to hit the road.”

“Sam why don’t you run in and grab some motion-sickness medicine and some water. I’ve gotta finish gassing up anyway.” Dean said and though Sam looked suspicious he nodded and headed inside.

“Y/N what the hell?” Dean demanded when Sam was out of earshot as you dug around in your duffle for your toothbrush and some toothpaste. Your mouth tasted of vomit and bile and it was making you nauseous again. “Are you okay?”

“Dr. Kessler said this could happen, remember?” you reminded him. “My body is trying to clear itself of all the toxins from the drugs. I’ll be fine, just…” you took a deep breath around your head spinning. “I just need to lie down for a while. I’ll be fine.”

Dean didn’t look convinced but he nodded and when Sam came back out you made a show of taking the motion-sickness stuff he handed you—though you didn’t actually take them, you weren’t sure your body could handle more drugs at this point—and drank an entire bottle of water before getting in the back seat and laying down, closing your eyes and trying to fall asleep.

It took a while but eventually you drifted off, lulled to sleep by the rumbling of the impala and the soft rock playing through the stereo. When you woke up, you were still groggy and your head was still pounding but when you were about to sit up and ask your brothers for some water you heard your name spoken softly in a conversation between Sam and Dean and you listened intently.

“Are you sure she’s okay?” Sam asked quietly. “She just got sick out of nowhere, and don’t try to tell me she’s always gotten carsick because that’s bullshit.”

You heard Dean sigh. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. She just needs rest. She’ll be fine by the time we get home. The past few days haven’t exactly been easy on any of us ya know?”

Sam still didn’t sound convinced but he conceded. “Yeah I know.”

Dean paused and took a deep breath. “Sam, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?” Sam asked, confused.

“For…for leaving.” Dean sounded ashamed and you wanted to sit up and tell him it was okay, but honestly the guilt from leaving Sam alone in that cabin was eating you alive too. As was the image of his lifeless body laying on that dirty floor. You’d wanted to rip Corbin apart when you’d found out what he did, but Sam had already taken care of him by that point and it did no good to hold a grudge over a dead werewolf.

“Oh, Dean…” Sam interjected. “Don’t apologize. You had to get them to safety, and you thought I was dead. I don’t blame you at all, okay?”

“Yeah well I do.” Dean muttered and you groaned, sitting up and gaining both of their attention.

“If you two are gonna have a chick-flick moment don’t you think you should wake up the only actual chick in the family?” you said, trying to ignore the ache in your muscles and the pounding in your head as you sat up.

Sam handed you a water bottle and a granola bar. “How you feeling, kiddo?” he asked kindly and you smirked at him

“Kiddo? You know I’m older than you right? I’m older than both of you, actually!”

Dean just laughed and Sam ruffled your hair. “Yeah and you’re a good foot shorter than both of us, so basically you’re our little sister.”

You laughed and shoved his hand away, smiling. The water Sam had handed you was gone within a few seconds and you took a few bites of the granola bar. The next few hours of driving were spent laughing and singing with your brothers. The three of you were purposefully keeping the conversation light, and you knew that, but you appreciated it nonetheless. The last thing you needed was to bring up Sam’s “death” or your “suicide” because that’s what the Winchesters are best at; keeping things from each other. And while that fact drove you absolutely crazy and you’d tried extremely hard to break your brothers of that habit, this was something you figured would best be kept between you and Dean. Eventually you leaned your head back against the seat and closed your eyes, exhausted.

“Seriously, you’re still tired?” Sam asked. “You just slept for like four hours!”

You shrugged, knowing full well why you were tired, but not wanting to bring it up. “Hey driving always makes me tired, don’t hate.”

“Yeah man, let her sleep.” Dean defended you and Sam frowned but dropped it.

For the rest of the drive you slept in the backseat, and only when you felt hands lightly shaking your shoulders did you wake up. Dean had opened the door to the backseat and had your duffle and his slung over his shoulder.

“C’mon Y/N/N,” he said quietly. “We’re home.”

Groggily, you followed him out of the garage and to your room, where you took your duffle from him and headed in to your room to take a shower. However, before you could head that way you were hit with a dizzy spell and a wave of nausea and you dropped to your knees, knocking a glass off of your bedside table, where it hit the ground and shattered. You waited for the nausea to pass and sat on the ground, holding your head between your knees, breathing heavily. It didn’t register with you that Sam and Dean had rushed in until Dean picked you up off the ground and placed you on the bed while Sam cleaned up the broken glass.

“What happened?” Dean asked, though you were sure he already knew.

“Y/N what’s going on?” Sam demanded and you just shook your head.

“Nothing, Sam I’m fine.” You assured him but you could tell he wasn’t going to take your half-assed answers anymore because he threw the glass in the trashcan and folded his arms over his chest, staring you and Dean down.

“What are you two hiding from me?” his tone was firm and once again you felt like the little sister instead of the older. “Y/N what’s wrong with you?”

You met Dean’s gaze for a very long moment and there was an understanding that passed between you, even though you could tell neither one of you liked it. So when you spoke next, it was careful and quiet.

“We thought you were dead, Sam.” You said quietly and Sam frowned. “The last thing we wanted to do was leave you alone in that cabin but we needed to get Michelle and Corbin to safety. We were going to get them safe and come back for you but things got…complicated.” You paused, taking a deep breath. “When we got to the hospital Michelle said something that got us thinking.”

Dean cut in, looking as guilty as you felt. “We realized that we had someone who could help us get you back. Billie.”

“Billie. The reaper?” Sam demanded and you could see him putting the pieces together. “You summoned Billie?”

You huddled in on yourself, wrapping your arms around your middle. “We didn’t exactly have the resources to summon her so we had to use…other methods.”

Realization dawned on Sam’s face and he shook his head slowly. “Y/N…what did you do?” he asked, though you were sure he knew the answer and was probably asking hoping that you’d prove him wrong.

“People survive overdoses all the time, Sam.” You said carefully. “Dean got the doctor the minute I took the pills and she brought me right back! And it worked didn’t it? Billie showed up and she told me you weren’t dead and it all worked out.”

“You think because you didn’t _really_ die that makes it okay?” Sam yelled. “Y/N how stupid are you? What if the doc couldn’t save you in time? What if Billie hadn’t shown up? Did you think of that?”

You were getting angry now. “No, Sam I didn’t! And do you know why? Because all I knew was that my little brother was lying dead on some grimy floor in the middle of the woods! Forgive me if I wasn’t thinking clearly because all I could think about was getting you back. I couldn’t….couldn’t just do _nothing_.” You choked, tears flowing down your cheeks.

“So that’s why you’ve been sick?” Sam had stopped yelling and you nodded weakly.

“Dr. Kessler said it’ll take a while for me to feel normal again. I’m so, so sorry Sam. For leaving you in that cabin, for lying to you…I’m sorry.” You said quietly and Sam just shook his head and knelt down in front of you, putting his hands on either side of your face.

“Don’t _ever_ do that again.” He said and you nodded, throwing your arms around his neck and he returned the hug tightly. “I can’t lose you.” He whispered in your ear and you hugged him tighter.

“I love you, Sammy.” Your voice was muffled in his shirt but you knew he heard you. “I love you both.” You added, pulling back from the hug and reaching out a hand to Dean, who took it and squeezed your fingers.

“We love you too, Y/N/N.” Dean said gruffly, tears caught in his throat.

“Yeah, we do.” Sam added. “But if you ever try anything like that again, I’ll kill you myself.”

You laughed and shook your head. “Wouldn’t that kind of defeat the purpose?” you pointed out but he just ruffled your hair and pulled you into another hug.

You weren’t one for praying, or for thanking any kind of deity, but sitting there with your two brother’s safe and in semi-good health, you had never been more thankful.


End file.
